Have you ever felt left out or alienated by sex-positivity and the way it plays out in your interpersonal relationships or in the spaces where you hang out? Have you ever felt pressure to feel/perform desire, to be (or be seen to be) sexually active, to have relationships or date people, to do non-monogamy (or to do it in a specific way), to have fulfilling/pleasurable sex or to have certain kinds of sex?
Do you feel like sex-positivity often ignores the reality of living, and trying to be sexual, in a racist ableist cissexist hetero-patriarchal rape culture? Have you ever felt like consent shouldn’t be framed in terms of sexiness? Does your queer or feminist community fail to make space for people on the asexual and aromantic spectrums?
When most of the queer and feminist spaces we have access to are explicitly sex-positive and/or centred around hooking up, talking about sex-negative or sex-critical feelings can often make us feel like kill-joys, pissing on everyone else’s sexually liberated parade.
This discussion aims to provide a safer space in which to talk about the above questions. We will also be exploring ways in which our queer and feminist communities can be more inclusive of those who can’t fuck, won’t fuck, don’t fuck, or who choose to only fuck some of the time.